He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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