You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
