Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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