I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
