drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
