then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
