Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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