I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
