My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize