im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize