my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
