the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
