This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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