i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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