Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
