Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
