We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
