I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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