i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
BRING THE BAGELS
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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