how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
When did angry sex become our thing?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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