Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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