He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
