I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
