Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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