you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
