well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
We had to coat check the pizza.
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He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
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Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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