One girl and one boy is just not enough.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
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The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
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We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.