He's been sleeping iwht ***
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I wish I could teleport
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up