Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
What drink are we having for lunch?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I want a musical about memes.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
