whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
