My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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