so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
