I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
