Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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