Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
