What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
