Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
