you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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