apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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