I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
What a dumb baby whore.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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