I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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