He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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