I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
