Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
