Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
