The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
