I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
