i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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