I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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