perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
