He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
