I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
