i permit you to call me
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
