he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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