Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
