No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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