if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
