Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
