apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
