"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
