4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
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after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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