Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
