You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
