So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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